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Why I Still Trust God When Shame Feels Heavy

By Lindsey Austin | Best of Messy Grace

Oct 23

My kids love to go to the playground. It’s one of those with the small brown, tan, and white pea pebbles that cover the ground. The ones that lodge between your flip flop and the bottom of your foot. Those tiny round rocks that dig and press until they find your most-sensitive nerve endings, like some kind of Chinese torture, forcing you to yell “Uncle!” or something worse. Are you there? Can you hear the crunch and grind under your shoes?

When shame feels heavy, here’s how to deal…

I’ve been reluctant to share anything spiritual or vulnerable lately, for fear of it being ripped to shreds by ‘the world’ or over-analyzed by Christians. But vulnerability is beautiful and it inspires me to do better; to be better. I’ve been walking around wearing shame like an overcoat. Each shortcoming and mistake has added to the weight of that coat, like one of those little playground pebbles. I took the pebbles at first, placing them one-by-one into the pockets of my coat. I was able to ignore them and continue to function, but even tiny rocks become heavy after a while.

Last Sunday, during a powerful worship song I heard a whisper from my Father. “My love, there is so much shame attached to your mistakes. Please, lay that burden down and open your eyes to the beauty and purpose right in front of you. Your life may not look anything like you expected at this point, but I’ve got you right where I want.” And the tears flowed.

As the music played and the singers sang, people raised hands and hearts to heaven. Standing there, I began to realize: we think about our own mistakes more than anyone around us. There’s the shame, there’s that sense of being stuck, the fear that holds us back. And it does hold us back.

When shame feels heavy, we focus on burdens that we were never meant to carry. During times like these, it’s really hard to experience joy, peace, and transformation. The pockets begin to bulge and the weight of the coat pulls down on our shoulders. Shame is that way; it just never quite seems to fit.

I vow to let go of past failures and strengthen what remains so I can be a better version of myself each day. Not let go of them completely, as in forget them, but take my fear, shame, mistakes and misgivings, and put them under my feet. When shame feels heavy, I will stay connected to God, moment by moment. I will simply but clearly communicate my struggles and feelings to Him.

By naming the issues I face and calling them out, I allow God to make my obstacles powerless. I will empty the pebbles from my pockets and stand firm. With the faith of a mustard seed, I will see the mountain move underneath my feet. I will use my past to point me higher, closer to God, and I will trust in His faithfulness.

“I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered in shame.” Psalm 34: 4-6

Want to know how to say no to shame and start to design a life of authenticity? Listen to Episode 31 of The #AskSteveAustin Podcast. Just click here (or listen below).

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About the Author

  • YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! And those precious little ones are so beautiful too. Thank you for sharing your heart and part of your story. Sometimes we don’t know just how much hope is given to others in a story just like this one. Please keep writing, God is using YOU!

  • […] Carrying Around Shame Like Pebbles in My Pockets […]

  • […] Lindsey and I have come through some extremely hard times over the past few years, but I am grateful for every lesson we’ve learned along the way. The greatest lesson of all is that God has walked with us through the pain, He’s sat with us in the ashes, and He has carried us on more than one occasion. If you’re facing hard times of your own, as a “thank you” for being a part of my Tribe, I’m releasing my “Manifesto for Hard Days” tomorrow to everyone who subscribes to my newsletter. I love the way this printable turned out! The language is strong and the creativity of this 8×10 piece of artwork would look great in your home or office. For days when life tries to get the best of you, this manifesto will serve as a reminder that hard days don’t last forever. […]

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